Monday, 17 October 2011


So I’m with my friend Steph who has nice hair, I know this because I have seen it. We are in Bluewater waiting to see a film but have 20 minutes before it starts so we sit down and have a little chatter…and by ‘chatter’ I mean I stare at her glorious hair……look at how it moves, so graceful, so full of life, unlike some other ladies hairs who’s movement is as half-assed as the naming of the Milkybar…seriously what makes the milk deserve such accolade over the other ingredients!? …I snap out of my gaze to find Steph laughing. I must have said something funny, it happens once in a while. I laugh along, hoping I didn’t have a leaf in my hair or something. I notice Steph’s boobs bounce as she laughs, I suddenly realise that I want a milkshake. Moments later we are McDonald’s……we walked there……just in case you were thinking we snapped our fingers and POOFed our way there like a pair of wizards. I look at Steph, she returns the look. She already knows what I’m getting but I want to say it anyway. “Naanaa!!” I proclaim, probably a little too loudly. You see, I am quite fond of bananas and banana flavoured items, but even more fond of calling it ‘Naanaa’. Steph gives me the ‘you just couldn’t resist could you’ look. “I called it that too..” she says “…when I was LITTLE!!”. I think she is trying to make a point but I just can’t make it out. “I should say it when I order” I joke, smiling gleefully. I have always wanted to but never had the courage, I mean, what if they look at me like I’m……y’know……special! “Yea you SO should” Steph says encouragingly. I look at her and see the seriousness in her eyes. She actually wants me to say it!! She wants them to look at me like I’m……y’know……special!

“I can’t, I’m scared” I confess to her. She remains silent but I still feel her insistent eyes. I WONT DO IT YOU HEAR ME!!! THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO OR SAY TO MAKE CHANGE MY MIND!! I think to myself. But then Steph flicks her hair………………… “Ok the only way I’ll do this is if I say it totally casually with a dead straight face, like saying naanaa is the most natural thing in the world”. She looks at me confused. I then realise she probably wasn’t as insistent as I thought she was, and that I had lulled myself into a situation because of self-induced pressure!! A member of staff logs onto an available till and calls us over. God what have I got myself into!! This is awful!! I can’t say this!! Can I just not say it!? I catch a quick glance of Steph, she is full of expectancy. THIS IS TORTURE!! ACTUAL TORTURE!! LIKE TELLING YOUR TOILET YOU’RE GOING OUT FOR A MEAL AT AN INDIAN RESTAURANT!! “Can I help?” the lady says with the joyfulness that is often lost in McDonald staff. I take a deep breath and get into the zone, there is no turning back now, ITS DO OR DIE!! “Hi” I say “…can I have a naanaa milkshake please?”. The lady reaches to press a button on her screen but then stops… “a what!?” she asks puzzled. God she’s gonna make me say it again!? I hear Steph snicker beside me. “A naanaa” I say, less confidently this time. “Banana!” she says, tapping it into her till. Steph’s boobs are bouncing and her hair is gliding, she is close to tears!! As we leave McDonalds I turn back and catch the lady looking at me, like I’m……y’know……special


(Audio clip below)

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