Friday, 26 February 2010

The Wolfman Review

the-wolfman-poster-1 Let me start by saying that this is a BORING FILM!!! Now i mean this in the obvious sense but also in the ‘I was close to BORING a hole through the cinema wall so I could watch ‘Astro Boy’ during the crap parts’ sense. It had me falling asleep more than a tired narcoleptic runner who had just ran a marathon. I seriously couldn't keep my eyes open, I felt like I needed one of those eye clamp things like in clockwork orange to keep them open. I should probably clarify that all parts WITH the wolfman were perfectly enjoyable however they were few and far apart. I loved the surprisingly ruthless brutality of his actions, the ample realism of the heavy CGI shots and the extra pot of warm cheese that came with my nachos…because lets face it, nachos without cheese is as appealing as a stale, half opened packet of Doritos at the back of a shelf in the supermarket……sorry, I’ve drifted……Wolfman……this film is done in a strong style which resembles the old classic werewolf horrors like ‘An American Werewolf in London’ or ‘Night of The Werewolf’ which is all fine, and actually a selling point for me. My issue with it, which is the only memorable opinion I have of this film is how mind-numbingly dull all the story/character developing scenes were. They were filled with tedious dialogue, soulless performances and prolonged gaps of dramatic pauses, and I'm a guy who hates dramatic…………………………pauses in dialogue. Its like after every sentence they speak their system needs to reset itself and start up again. You know what I'm talking about…a dude says something like “How do you know its him” and the other person is like o_O and goes into deep thought like it was the very last question on ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire’ and spends a good minute staring into the other persons eyes looking all intense………and eventually, after you’ve made yourself a cup of tea and read the newspaper, goes “he has a lisp”…..followed but another dramatic pause…………which the audience obviously needs to absorb this information even though we sussed it out 20 minutes ago!!

I think a large part of this had to do with Benicio Del Toro who I entirely despise as an actor…I'm sure as a person he is a delightful addition to mankind, but as an actor he holds as much talent as one of those black & white clapper boards they use when filming before every shot. He’s like a less tolerable, Puerto Rican version of Keanu Reeves. As I watched his onscreen presence I couldn't help  picturing his first ever audition for *quickly IMDBs Benicio’s first acting credit* Shell Game. I could just imagine him standing in a large room as the auditioner  is shouting “GIVE ME ANGRY!!” and Benicio would wrinkle his nose and grit his teeth. Then he would shout “GIVE ME SAD!!!!” and Benicio would poke out his bottom lip. Now I admit I haven't watched many films with this dude and this is all said with very little conviction but I’m pretty sure you could get more emotion out of a sponge……with or without square pants. One thing that I cannot deny is the cinematography which was so well done that some of the shots held more story than the actual film did. It was truly remarkable, any one of those many artistic shots could be used as a poster. I would recommend this film for the werewolf shots that packed a punch like a fist in a lunchbox……great action scenes amongst the dominating dribble surrounding them. I would also recommend you bring a pillow and a mp3 player

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