Saturday, 7 November 2009

Jennifer’s Body Review

jennifers-body-poster1-560x828 Erm…ok, let me start by saying WATCHING THIS FILM WAS THE MOST TORTUROUS THING I’VE EVER HAD TO ENDURE!! AND IM A FORMER SAW VICTIM!!!  I HATED IT!! I ABSOLUTELY HATED IT!!! Now some would argue “Dan, how could you hate this film, it has Megan Fox in it”……and I would reply “YOU OBNOXIOUS, DESPICABLE, WORTHLESS, SON OF THREE TABLE SPOONS!!!!!” then I’d drop-kick them for being so shallow. Yes Megan Fox sometimes has an attractive quality about her, you know, once the three tubs of make-up is applied, but seriously, If your gonna watch this film for her then your better off doing a google image search. She just seems so slutty in this film its a major turn off. Its like she is purposely portraying the image people condemned her as……but anyway where was I?…ahh yes………THIS FILM IS SOOOOO RUBBISH EVERYBODY INVOLVED IN IT’S EXISTENCE SHOULD BE STRIPPED DOWN, CUT INTO BITE-SIZE PIECES AND SOLD IN SUPERMARKETS IN TOWNS WHERE CANNIBALISM IS LEGAL!!!!! I would rather trade places with a British soldier being held hostage by Iraqi extremists than watch that film again!! I would gladly be held solely responsible for the catastrophic world Armageddon events of 2012 (you’ve seen the posters) ID RATHER BE BLAMED FOR THAT THAN WATCH THIS PIGEON POOP AGAIN!!! This film should be locked away in a steel volt surrounded by a circle of fire, garlic and kryptonite!!! Jennifer’s body my ass!!……(hmmm)……In fact, had this film been 90mins of camera footage of Jennifer’s “Body” alone, it would have made a far better film. I knew it was gonna be pants, why didn’t I listen to my instincts!!! I thought coz its the same writer as ‘Juno’ (Diablo Cody) it would have at least a few elements of charm and wit, BUT NO!!! Diablo should be ashamed of herself!! If I was her I’d migrate somewhere. Build myself a lil igloo and chill out til this whole thing blows over. If I was the Oscars I’d take that ‘Juno’ award back and tell her to go back to stripping!!. To be fair the premise was a treat of possibilities but they chose to have Megan Fox’s Harry Potternss over select males as the driving force…BIG MISTAKE!!! Ok I must admit there was one scene that I liked but girl on girl smoochin is a thumbs up in any situation……I could be watching Laa-Laa kissin Po and throw my thumbs up like I’m trying to guide an incoming aeroplane. All in all this film is a major fail!! WARNING: NOT SUITABLE FOR OXYGEN DEPENDANT BEINGS

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Funny & biting! So... fess up... who Ghost wrote for you?!

Danny Boy said...

hahaha, t'was me I swear!!

DAMMIT CASPER GET BACK IN THAT WARDROBE AND FINISH THAT 'THIS IS IT' REVIEW!!!.....WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE PEN KEEPS FALLING THROUGH YOUR HANDS!!?