Sunday, 6 September 2009

The Final Destination Review

The Final Destination Poster Hold on a second, why is this freshly sharpened spear hovering loosely above my head!! Hmmmm. As a fan of the 'Final Destination' franchise, I am sad to say, this forth instalment was as much appreciated as a bald guy receiving a set of combs for Christmas. There I was smiling ear to ear looking extremely casual considering I was wearing huge 3D sunglasses over my normal glasses.The title flashed before me and as usual I can not resist reaching out in front of me and trying to stroke the words. The film proceeds to bore me with a recycled story, half-hearted effects and cheesy 3D shots.It was as exciting as going to the zoo and seeing a wasp!! If your gonna do a sequel you need to have a story that is worth telling. A story that is bigger and better than the previous. A film that adds to the previous. This film did none of that!! It was just another showcase of implausible killings. Don't get me wrong, I love pointless deaths as much as the next guy (er….wow that sounds wrong…IM NOT THE NEXT BIN LADEN I SWEAR!!!). Why on earth is this giant fan next to me??……Meh. It was like a retelling of the 1st one but with weaker deaths. One thing I loved about this franchise is the creative ways people died. This film was just plain lazy. PEOPLE ARE STILL GETTING HIT BY BUSES FOR PETE SAKE!! IF I SEE THAT HAPPEN IN ANOTHER FILM I’LL THROW MYSELF IN FRONT OF A BUS!! (unless its going to Peckham, I’ll die before I take a bus to Peckham……hang on…I guess that would work out just fine…) Not only were the deaths lame, they had absolutely no fear factor to build them up. I know this isn't the type of film you watch to get the jeebers scared out you but they could at least TRY!! I'm not expecting to be cringing so deep in my chair that someone sits on me not realising the seat is already taken. I just want to feel slightly unnerved and not like I'm watching an episode of ‘Friends’!! Err……ok who left that banana peel on the floor??……hmmm. Even the slight twists they put in each film has gone out the window. The 2nd film had a reverse death list, the 3rd had clues in photographs, which I thought was brilliant. This one, the dude has premonitions of clues to each individual death, which leads me to bang the official ‘LAME’ mallet. Mind you, I would really like that ability, just imagine, there I am, about to brush my teeth when the toothpaste falls of my toothbrush!!!! WHITE FLASH!!! and I'm standing, looking in the mirror. Guess who’ll be extra careful applying their toothpaste to avoid catastrophic consequences……ME!! :D Anyway before I post this review I'm just gonna lean back and stretch my arms……OH NO, I’VE HIT A SWITCH……OH NO, ITS TURNED ON THE GIANT FAN!!!……OH NO, IM BEING BLOWN OFF MY CHAIR!!!……OH NO, I’VE SLIPPED ON THE BANANA PEEL!!!……OH NO, THE FRESHLY SHARPENED SPEAR IS FALLING!!!!! WHITE FLASH!!!……extra careful applying their toothpaste to avoid catastrophic consequences……ME!! :D Anyway before I post this review I'm just gonna lean back and stretch my arms

1 comment:

imjoey said...

ohhh man! this review is out of this world! so ingenious! love it..now im scared to put toothpaste on my toothbrush though...i'll make nona do it!