Monday, 28 September 2009

Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs Review

Well I must admit my experience did not start off very well. As with most recent 3D films Pixar’s ‘UP’ trailer was shown. My most highly anticipated film since ‘Wall-E’, claiming it was coming to our screens “Summer 2009” which it clearly didn’t!! I couldn’t resist yelling out a very passionate “SUMMER MY ASS!!” which made all the surrounding kids and parent look at me. I then realised it sounded as if i had offered “SOME OF MY ASS!!”  which clearly granted the faces of disgust and concern. Anyhow, let me start by saying this film was AMAZING!!! UTTERLY ENTERTAINING IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD!!! IT ENETRTAINED MY EYES, MY EARS, MY BRAIN……EVEN MY ELBOWS WHERE LOVIN IT!! It was exactly like my last karate teacher Sensei Shanal (I do crack myself up sometimes……why isn’t anyone else laughing………SENSATIONAL!!?………there you go). Putting aside the beautiful visuals, the jaw-dropping attention to detail and the fact that this is supposedly a “kids film”, it was one of the funniest films I have seen in ages!! I’m telling you folks, I could not stop laughing!! well actually I did stop once but when you have a butt itch it deserves your full attention. I was IN STITCHES!! and I’m not talking about my jumper!! This is a true animation that appeals to the toddlers, who still don’t appreciate the invention of the toilet, all the way to the elderly, who don't understand what animation is and are trying to figure out how they covered a whole town in ice cream. I had no real motivation to see this film other than it was in 3D and from the trailer it didn’t look like the worse film in the world. I was quite dubious with my curiosity seeing as what it did to the cat and all. However, I’m so glad I saw it because it truly is one of the best films this year.

The characters are so well thought out and interact brilliantly, each provide individual hilarious aspects to make the town of ‘Swallow Falls’ an exciting location. The voice talents are exceptionally cast (Although I must admit I have no idea who Bill Hader was until I Imdb’d him). Hader plays Flint Lockwood, an inventor who has very similar issues to the younger, shorter, and lets face it, more adorable Jimmy Neutron. His inventions don't always go as planned but he is desperate to prove himself. Anna Farris provided her character Sam Sparks with a very endearing quality and puts her as one of my favourite CGI female characters along with ‘Boo’ from ‘Monster’s Inc’ and ‘Dory’ from Finding ‘Nemo’. One stand out performance was from Mr. T who plays an athletic, dedicated, over-active town cop and a loving father to his little son Cal who has the most square shaped head EVER!!, it looked like he had a cardboard box on his shoulders. There are also some breathtaking wide shots so anyone with bad lungs stay well away. There are pant-soiling visuals such as a tornado made of spaghetti bolognaise and a giant Jello house in the middle of a field that truly astounds. There is a particular shot when these purplely-orange radiant clouds drift in that looked so damn beautiful tears streamed down my cheeks……oops…err……did I say tears? i meant SWEAT!! running down but BUTT CHEEKS!! IT WAS HOT IN THE CINEMA!!!………FINE, I CRIED!! BUT THE GUY BEHIND ME HAD A HOTDOG WITH A LOT OF ONIONS SO WE CANT SOLELY PIN IT DOWN TO THOSE CLOUDS!!!

What I still cant get over is that this egg was laid by a ‘Sony Animation’ chicken!! Who you ask?? The people responsible for the film we do not speak of (Open Season) and the equally mediocre ‘Surf’s Up’ and ‘Monster house’. ‘Cloudy’ is like a son from a dull, unpopular, isolated family that grows up to be a infamous entrepreneur. Dare I say it achieves what Dreamworks still fail to do and that is almost come on par with a Pixar film. Will wonders never cease……well?……WILL YOU??……OI WONDERS IM TALKING TO YOU!! Anyways, THIS FILM IS AWESOMISATIONAL!!! But I could be talking rubbish, you gotta see for yourself…… like when I went into battle with a Parker and ultimately proved the pen is NOT mightier than the sword, ITS A MUST-SEE!!!! (9/10)

Sunday, 20 September 2009

Gamer Review

image Immediately as I walk into the cinema I realise that someone had turned the volume up to an immense amount. An advert for anti-piracy dances across the screen and I’m literally vibrating in my chair like a ringing phone that's addicted to Red Bull. The sound waves are bouncing off the wall like giant surfers listening to Michael Jackson……see what I did there :D……no!?……oh……blast I'm losing my touch. The sounds boom into my ears forcing my ear drum player to go all Travis Beaker on them. How’d he fit them cymbals in there!! The trailers present themselves to us as I try to ignore the ridiculous volume levels. This proves insanely difficult when lights are falling off the ceiling and each on-screen explosion causes a new crack on the wall. By the time the film starts I’m already halfway into my popcorn, partially deaf and sitting in an auditorium that now has a sunroof!! The film by-passes all the livers, lungs and intestines and thrusts you straight into the heart of the action. It’s a thing of beauty!! Guns. Grenades. Explosions and corpses!! Everything that appeals to your average man. They couldn’t make this film more masculine if they attached a pair of testicles to the title!! The action was naturally intensified by the speakers which were working overtime to ensure my ears were bleeding with every sound. Even the whispers were like ambulance sirens playing through arena speakers!! Its the type of film that doesn't necessarily need to have the best of storylines and truthfully it doesn’t, but what it does have is a brilliant premise. The idea of controlling real people through gunfire environments does have an appeal……like a Satsuma :D (peel……Satsuma……no!?………man, what's up with me today)

Gerard Butler does a good job in the role of the in-mate trying to gain his freedom by donating himself as a character in a game. Although he acts it convincingly i must say, its not the hardest role for him, in-fact it seems to be a perfect match. Its always good to see rapper Ludacris moonlighting as an actor, although all of his roles thus far has been a very one dimensional angry black man. Also Michael C. Hall makes a very whimsical, loveable bad guy. This isn't surprising considering ‘Dexter’, where he plays a serial killer with morals, is going into it’s forth season now. I must say this film isn't for everybody. Its the sorta film that can easily give you a headache due to the fast paced camera movements and merciless lighting acrobats. It has a very ‘Crank’-esq style in that respect……sorry, hang on…… “what do you want Joseph?……speak up!!……what!?………quit mucking around and say whatever you wanna say already!!……I CANT LIP READ, SPEAK UP!!!!!!……OH CRAP!!!……IM SO SUING THAT CINEMA!!!

Sunday, 6 September 2009

One Ticket And Some Hand Luggage

Here is a photo I took (ok I didn't ACTUALLY take it coz I’m in it, but I told my sister how i wanted it and where to stand and stuff) I gave it a Photoshop makeover and here’s the result. That’s my lil’ bro in the bag, I love him, i could say “Dillon, stand on that shaky bridge over that volcano so I can take a photo” and he’d be doing back flips on that bridge lol. I'm quite pleased with the result, kinda looks like a magazine cover.


The Final Destination Review

The Final Destination Poster Hold on a second, why is this freshly sharpened spear hovering loosely above my head!! Hmmmm. As a fan of the 'Final Destination' franchise, I am sad to say, this forth instalment was as much appreciated as a bald guy receiving a set of combs for Christmas. There I was smiling ear to ear looking extremely casual considering I was wearing huge 3D sunglasses over my normal glasses.The title flashed before me and as usual I can not resist reaching out in front of me and trying to stroke the words. The film proceeds to bore me with a recycled story, half-hearted effects and cheesy 3D shots.It was as exciting as going to the zoo and seeing a wasp!! If your gonna do a sequel you need to have a story that is worth telling. A story that is bigger and better than the previous. A film that adds to the previous. This film did none of that!! It was just another showcase of implausible killings. Don't get me wrong, I love pointless deaths as much as the next guy (er….wow that sounds wrong…IM NOT THE NEXT BIN LADEN I SWEAR!!!). Why on earth is this giant fan next to me??……Meh. It was like a retelling of the 1st one but with weaker deaths. One thing I loved about this franchise is the creative ways people died. This film was just plain lazy. PEOPLE ARE STILL GETTING HIT BY BUSES FOR PETE SAKE!! IF I SEE THAT HAPPEN IN ANOTHER FILM I’LL THROW MYSELF IN FRONT OF A BUS!! (unless its going to Peckham, I’ll die before I take a bus to Peckham……hang on…I guess that would work out just fine…) Not only were the deaths lame, they had absolutely no fear factor to build them up. I know this isn't the type of film you watch to get the jeebers scared out you but they could at least TRY!! I'm not expecting to be cringing so deep in my chair that someone sits on me not realising the seat is already taken. I just want to feel slightly unnerved and not like I'm watching an episode of ‘Friends’!! Err……ok who left that banana peel on the floor??……hmmm. Even the slight twists they put in each film has gone out the window. The 2nd film had a reverse death list, the 3rd had clues in photographs, which I thought was brilliant. This one, the dude has premonitions of clues to each individual death, which leads me to bang the official ‘LAME’ mallet. Mind you, I would really like that ability, just imagine, there I am, about to brush my teeth when the toothpaste falls of my toothbrush!!!! WHITE FLASH!!! and I'm standing, looking in the mirror. Guess who’ll be extra careful applying their toothpaste to avoid catastrophic consequences……ME!! :D Anyway before I post this review I'm just gonna lean back and stretch my arms……OH NO, I’VE HIT A SWITCH……OH NO, ITS TURNED ON THE GIANT FAN!!!……OH NO, IM BEING BLOWN OFF MY CHAIR!!!……OH NO, I’VE SLIPPED ON THE BANANA PEEL!!!……OH NO, THE FRESHLY SHARPENED SPEAR IS FALLING!!!!! WHITE FLASH!!!……extra careful applying their toothpaste to avoid catastrophic consequences……ME!! :D Anyway before I post this review I'm just gonna lean back and stretch my arms

Thursday, 3 September 2009

Have you seen Alice??

Its been a while since I put up a picture so here are a couple snaps I took recently


Coz One Just Isn't Enough

My ill’ bro aka ill’ trouble maker aka my favourite subject to photograph