Monday, 1 June 2009

A Wise Man Once Said…

I have the answer to the worlds economic problems…YES…ME!!……Mr Daniel Jackson!!! Today we live in a world that is financially crippled, a world where people are scared to make investments unless its the lottery, a world with angry civilians who now walk angrily because bus fares and the price of petrol have sky-rocketed. Gone are the days where kids fought on the street because their mother was mildly disrespected, now they fight over who saw the grubby fiver on the floor first. Money, its why Michael Jackson sold Neverland, its the real reason Obama ran for the presidency, and its why we’ll be exposed to not only Shrek 4 but also 5. They say money cant bring you happiness but tell me people, isn't that feeling when you have just got paid and your walking home with a few bags after a 3-hour shopping session happiness?? wouldn't a starving kid in Mumbai feel ‘Happy’ if he was offered 250,000 Rupees?? I know I’d be happy if I somehow won £3000 or even better £3000 worth of Pizza Hut vouchers!!! The truth is money makes the world go round…(money being the name of that giant hand in space that spins our planet like a basketball ever so often)…So I feel its my duty to announce the solution everybody has overlooked the past few years. If the world needs more money……DAMMIT LETS PRINT MORE MONEY!!!! Lets face it, money is just man-made paper with famous dead faces on them. I reckon whoever was in charge of printing money has been sacked (recession irony……no?) and now people rely on money growing trees which we all know is ridiculous….unless your Bill Gates……he has 6 of them!! No I'm playing, I'm sure he is feeling the credit crunch like the rest of us, weeping into his $20,000 tissue made of pure white gold on his matching yacht, picking bits of Almas caviar out his teeth with a diamond studded toothpick…we all gotta make sacrifices. PRINT MORE MONEY!! But this ‘eureka’ moment has got me thinking…how can we (‘we’ meaning the world) have suddenly gone bust……I mean surely someone is absolutely loaded (apart from you Gates, jeez, rub our faces in it why dont’cha)…coz I mean money doesn't get thrown away, its not disposable, its the most recycled thing around getting passed on from one place to another, so I ask, where has all the money gone?? My guess is Bolivia!! I can see them now sitting on mountains of cash saying “You laughed at us for naming our currency after our country but who’s laughing now!!! I spit on your pounds and dollars, your francs and yens…THE WHOLE WORLD SHALL FALL DEFEAT TO OUR BOLIVIAN BOLIVIANO’S!!! Mwahahahahahaaa”.

Now I know what your thinking, its not actually about the physical money, its about the resources. But common it cant be THAT hard to solve!! Instead of proper crude oil lets sell cooking oil!! we can dye it black if need be, if it can cook your steak I'm sure it can run your cars. Also if we're running low on gas lets bottle up some elephant farts or something, it don't get any more natural than that!! While we’re at it we can set up some panda, polar bear and tiger speed dating sessions with Viagra pills on the house!! I'm telling you I have all the answers. In the words of Scar “Stick with me and you’ll never go hungry again!!!” Cue laughing hyenas.

1 comment:

juabra_joey said...



i always knew you had all the answers.