Friday, 15 May 2009

Star Trek Review

Scotty, beam me back to the cinema, I want more Trekrifficness!!! I can honestly say, despite looking like the perfect candidate I am NOT a Trekkie, but by God J.J. Abrams has made me see the light!!………no he didn't kill me, I mean the light from the USS Enterprise. This film sits you down, smacks an upside-down ‘V’ on your chest, gives you a wooden ice cream stick to bite down on and fires you into warp speed into one hell of a good film. Seriously, the film is non-stop enjoyment at 1000 miles per hour!! At any point in the film you could have taken a picture of me and my hair would be flying wild, my teeth chattering and my cheeks fluttering looking like Woody in Toy Story when the rocket kicks in!! It DEMANDED ACCEPTANCE and dammit that's exactly what it got. When the credits started rolling people started clapping, some guys at the back leapt up and threw what was left of their popcorn as they swung their arms around each other and started hugging, fingers were placed in mouths to initiate loud whistles, THE THEATRE WAS FILLED WITH ADMIRATION (the only other time I saw rejoice like this after a film was ‘The Matrix Revolutions’ but that's simply coz everyone couldn't wait for it to end). One of the reasons this film was so good was the cast. I had my doubts about these newcomers and blooming Sylar from heroes but what can I say other than I was absolutely delighted with how each character was portrayed. Chris Pine done a refreshing take on Captain James Kirk, truly Trekmendous!! Its like he physically knelt down next to a defeated and worn down William Shatner, leaned in towards him, stroked his face, put on raspberry scented lip balm, puckered up his lips, closed his eyes and breathed new life into the character…sorry to be so graphic but I'm cursed with a graphic imagination……just picture the imagery i conceive when I hear things like “I’ll keep an eye out” or “I was wondering if I could just pick your brain”…..not pretty I promise you!!

Not only is the SFX and action sequences a match made in heaven (hehehe sounds like prearranged marriages) but they are not overly done in the sense that you cant differentiate between what's shooting what and who’s killing who…..say like…..*cough* Star *cough* Wars…..WHAT!?….I SAID BRA STORES!!!……WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT DON'T MAKE SENSE!?….ITS MY BLOG!! I DON'T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE!!

Abrams has really found the fine balance that makes this film appeal to the masses. From hardcore fans, who have every episode on DVD, a costume from every series, a star trek alarm clock and bed spread with matching curtains, to the people who are so outside the Star Trek universe that they think ‘warp speed’ is a type of drug that changes the shape of your face!! I actually have not a single thing to moan about, it was damn near perf……well actually, the teleportation effect could have been better, kinda looked like they were getting covered in glow worms…..but that's neither here nor there….or over there……no there!!…….look, OVER THERE!!……BY THE BOOKSHELF!!……OH FORGET IT!!……hang on….what's that sound………kinda sounds like angry Star Wars fans outside my window……I SAID BRA STORES I PROMISE YOU!!!! WOULD I LIE TO A MAN HOLDING A LIGHT-SABER!!……viewers it was nice knowing you :(

1 comment:

Juwairiyyah said...

wow! you really pulled this one out of the bag. i haven't seen the film, but i'd say your review is as good as the actual film! defo gonna see it, please still be in cinemas when im done with my exams!

hahha you clever clogs! with all the trek words!! :D
so proud *tear* haha!