Tuesday, 3 March 2009

My Fate Lays In Your Hands

You know those sites that supposedly tell you when your going to die and how its gonna happen etc I recently went on one (YES IM THAT BORED, WHY DO YOU THINK IM HERE WRITING THIS BLOG…….yea keep laughing……14th August 2021 – Fall out of a flying car, not so funny now is it huh!!) So anyways I was on one that gave a plausible result based on my age, weight, height, hobbies and such. Then It predicted my death will be due to old age (they obviously didn't take into account my pizza addiction). Now I know for a fact….well almost….that I will die to the hand of a beautiful woman. All my male readers will appreciate this, how many of you have spotted a woman who makes Eva Longoria look as attractive as pea soup when you are crossing the road?? Its like a evil trick by the man downstairs to put a beautiful woman in your line of sight just before you start crossing. Its been happening since the time began….why did the chicken cross the road?? BECAUSE HE SAW A SMOKIN HOT CHICK which led to his tractor related demise…but they don't tell you that part.

Now this has happened waaaaay too many times, I have seriously narrowly avoided some potentially fatal accidents due to a Elisha Cuthbert look-a-like flaunting her assets. Us men cant help it, its like a trigger is set off in our brain where when we see a stunning lady EVERYTHING else is a big blur of unimportance, whether it be changing traffic lights, a falling tree, or walking into the middle of a gun fight!!! By the sheer amount of times this has happened to me I know that that’ll be my way to go. And these women don't even care!!! They have no consideration what-so-ever!! They just walk on the pavements without a care in the world FULLY KNOWING THAT SOMEONE IS CHECKING THEM OUT!!! I recall once I saw a real beauty with legs as long as the queues in Alton Towers. Not only had my life been jeopardised but also the motorcyclist who almost sped into me because he saw her too. Hot female’s shouldn’t even be allowed near roads…..its as good as putting a bullet through our heads!! They might as well buy us a pair of football boots, put them on our feet, place a bucket in front of us and paint a target on it!! DAMMIT IM GONNA START A CAMPAIGN TO GET ATTRACTIVE LADIES OFF BUSY STREETS!! Also you ladies with boyfriends and husbands should back me up here because it don't matter how hot you are, your man can fall victim to another hot lady’s collation of road kill. Like I said, when a stunning lady enters our line of sight EVERYTHING, including however many years of commitment you share, is compromised. The cheek of these women…..ah well……what better way to go than at the sight of a Beyonce looking female, bring them on.

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