Wednesday, 25 February 2009

Small Talk [01]

So at my old workplace it was necessary to use the lifts to access the many floors of the building. As you may find, being in lifts can often be socially awkward…well….actually its probably just me. Silly things rush through my mind like “Do I know this person”, “Is it worth starting a conversation, I know he’s getting off at the next floor” or “Is not talking being anti-social and rude?” After a while I settled for quick witty comments like “Hi Heather, like the skirt, I’ve got the same in red” or “Sup Kennedy, you look full of beans today, your not gonna fart are you”. Something short and simple that may induce a slight smile but wont lead to a full conversation.

Just as I felt I was getting the knack for it I was thrown a curveball. In walks a person I see everyday, and say hello to at least 4 times a day. Our greeting is always the same. He nods his head and says a very calm but bold “DANIEL” to which I do the same (but obviously with his name). However, this time as he says his expected “DANIEL” my mind suddenly goes blank, seriously blank….blanker than that green dude in Street Fighter (sorry). If you opened up my head you would literally see a blank piece of paper, a dictionary that’s blank all except for the definition of ‘blank’, a blanket and a DVD copy of ‘Point Blank’. WHAT IS HIS NAME!!! I was outraged with myself, how could I forget this guys name, We’ve worked together for months!! I start panicking…OF ALL THE TIMES TO FORGET HIS NAME, WHY WHILST IM STUCK IN THE LIFT WITH NO WINDOW TO JUMP OUT OF!!!!!!……‘Calm down and think’ I instruct myself (in my head, just to clarify…that would be a bit of a give away if I said it out loud) So I think….Frank? Tim? Simon? Stuart? ‘THINK DAMMIT’ but its hopeless, my mind is emptier than a K-Fed concert. It seems like ages since he shot that “DANIEL” bullet my way, I have to say something!! I let out a hesitant “DUUUUUDE”…….

…..It is not well received. He looks at me with a face full of shock, disgust, and confusion as if I had just declared my undying love for him. Can he see the fear in my eyes, can he see that the “DUUUUUUDE” I responded with was the result of misplaced data in my names archive? He still stares at me all confused, like ants when a leaf interrupts their path and they don't know what to do. I had messed up the routine, I had thrown a spanner in the works, now we just stood there not sure what happens next. The lift now feels so much smaller, just me and the giant pair of eyes glued to me, a bead of sweat drips from my forehead and nestles on my eyebrow then suddenly “DANIEL”. He said it again!! why did he say it again!! Did he think I didn't hear him the first time?? Did he think my “DUUUUDE” was just a random thing i say to pass the time on my journeys in the lift?? Now what do I do, I cant say “DUUUDE” again, that didn't go down well. In pure desperation I shout out….."Or Danielle as I like to be called on the weekends”….again, it is not received well. After starring more at me with a look that suggests he took what I said seriously he then picks a spot on the floor to stare at as if ashamed to be in my presence. There is a painful silence as we both stand avoiding eye contact. After what seems like a decade we reach his floor. He steps out the lift, turns to me and again nods his head, ‘OH NO, DONT DO IT’ I think, but he does anyway. He hits me with a 3rd “DANIEL” which this time signified a goodbye. Nothing had changed, my mind was still emptier than a family KFC bucket in a black household after dinnertime.I felt dreadful but as there was no black hole to dive into I frantically reached for the ‘close door’ button and pounded on it repeatedly. Through the gap I see him walk away and just as the doors shut………...Steve, damn

1 comment:

juabra-joey said...

i find it hard to believe at times that you have any space in your brain. its either oozing with brain, cos otherwise you wouldnt be able to come up with this greatness. or its filled with random junk!, but good junk, good junk that allows you to come up with this greatness! anyhoo, i do believe that at this point in time your brain was completely blank! you wouldnt make it up, and use so many words with 'blank' in them if you weren't telling the truth!

buuuut...
what if steves reading this!? then he'll know fo sho that you did forget!

doesnt matter tho, cos he'll see how hard you tried, and how sorry you are, or he'll get distracted by the awesome writing and not even notice!