Saturday, 21 February 2009

How I got put in my place

So I'm in the underground (I know what your thinking.....no, I'm not digging for gold.....you mean you wasn't thinking that!?.......oh....ok) well I'm in the underground where I board another one of London's dirty, smelly tubes. Happily grooving to the sounds of Kano pumping through my MP3 player I spot through the crowd something 'press-pausingly' shocking. Now before I say what it was I urge you to believe I am not a mean person (just ask my mummy) So anyway I was staring in disbelief at this woman, and more specifically how...errm....unattractive she was (I'm not mean, I swear) But seriously I couldn't believe how unfortunate this lady was, I actually kinda felt sorry for her. It didn't make sense to me in the least because women are hot....Its like science or summin...If you do not have the ugly male naughty bits then you are hot (unless your an unfortunate dude who had a fight with a dog who likes to bite.....and 'lost'...if you know what I mean) Obviously some women are hotter than others but you are still in hot territory.

So I'm still staring at this woman who although I think is disturbingly ugl.......unattractive I cant stop looking at. Then something amazing happens, something that made me smile a smile of relief. I look closer....I notice the flat chest.....I look harder.....I notice an Adam's apple....and that's when I hear the voice, a deep, rough, uncompromising MALE voice.....IT WAS A DUDE!! I knew something was wrong!!! Its not physically possible for women to look that ugly....It was just a man...who's dress sense was a little confused...who's probably been hit in the face with a brick....that was attached to a baseball bat....who, had it not been for terrorist suspicions would have befriended the closest balaclava to save people from turning into stone (in a good way of course....I'm not mean I swear) Then just as I was coming to terms with it all something even more shocking happens, he leans over to his right where an exceptionally beautiful woman sat, a straight ten, and shares a very sloppy snog session with her!!! I wipe the stunned expression of my face and continue my journey wishing I had this guy's good looks.

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