Wednesday, 28 January 2009

Who ordered Octuplets??

apu n family So by now you must have heard about the woman who gave birth to octuplets which is eight babies!! I gotta say, I was probably more shocked than if Mickey Mouse saw Minnie in bed with Donald Duck!! Seriously, eight kids in one go!! Apparently she delivered them all within 5 minutes, she must have been shooting them out like one of those tennis ball machines!!

That truly is astounding!! The mother has been quoted as “doing very, very well” she’s a legend!! but just wait til all the kids are hungry at the same time……two breasts and eight mouths just don't add up. They’re gonna milk her dry!!…..if only she had more outlets she could just lay on the floor like a pig while her piglets stand in a line getting their 3 course meal. She’ll probably have favourites though (the well behaved ones) who will get the breast milk while the others chow down on ‘Cow & Gates’ finest powdered milk. I guarantee she’ll be a professional nappy changer in no time!! Whoa that's a lotta poop!! How does something like this even happen?? She must have the most accommodating womb EVER!! Some sort of 5 star hotel, with a pool, gym, and mini-fridge for each guest. It’ll be different when they’re a little older, I picture one of those orphanage homes with the big room with loads of identical beds. Their mum will ring a bell at dinnertime and they will all rush in and get their grub…then one of the lil’ rugrats will get up with his empty bowl and say “please sir…can I have some more?” to which the father will reply “MOOOOORE!!??” and hit him with a ladle………oh wait…

You know when a pregnant woman gets all joyful when she feels her baby kick, I’ll bet you a GAZILLION pounds she wasn’t “joyful” when it happened to her. It must have been like the England football team was in there doing some pre-world cup training!! If she had 3 more she could start her own team! Octuplets…..I didn’t even know there was a name for eight kids…(spell check is even baffled and is throwing it a red underline) I call dibs on naming a 9 baby pregnancy…..I'm thinking ‘Catulets’…..you know, because there’s 9 lives…..whatever, I think its GENIUS!! Just imagine what their birthdays will be like, forget a P.Diddy party, their house will be the place to be!! every birthday will be like Christmas!! They’ll have their presents all tagged and placed under a copper statue of their mum with a GIANORMOUS pregnant belly, they’ll eat a huge turkey that's stuffed with 8 balls of onion stuffing and a cake with 8 layers.

I'm surprised the mum is keeping her identity a secret, its not like she won the lottery and she’s scared everyone is out to mug her. What's gonna happen, someone steals one baby and she wont notice coz there’s so many?? Well actually, I guess it could happen….I never notice when one of my DVD’s goes missing coz there’s so many. She just needs a good naming system……I say name them ‘Sleepy, Grumpy, Sneezy, Bashful, Dopey, Happy, Doc’……damn I'm one short…..well there’s 2 girls so one can be ‘Snow White’……sorted!!

1 comment:

1984 - Present said...

butt clenchingly funny and absolutely well written... so i'm not the only writer in the house then huh... :(