Wednesday, 28 January 2009

Who ordered Octuplets??

apu n family So by now you must have heard about the woman who gave birth to octuplets which is eight babies!! I gotta say, I was probably more shocked than if Mickey Mouse saw Minnie in bed with Donald Duck!! Seriously, eight kids in one go!! Apparently she delivered them all within 5 minutes, she must have been shooting them out like one of those tennis ball machines!!

That truly is astounding!! The mother has been quoted as “doing very, very well” she’s a legend!! but just wait til all the kids are hungry at the same time……two breasts and eight mouths just don't add up. They’re gonna milk her dry!!…..if only she had more outlets she could just lay on the floor like a pig while her piglets stand in a line getting their 3 course meal. She’ll probably have favourites though (the well behaved ones) who will get the breast milk while the others chow down on ‘Cow & Gates’ finest powdered milk. I guarantee she’ll be a professional nappy changer in no time!! Whoa that's a lotta poop!! How does something like this even happen?? She must have the most accommodating womb EVER!! Some sort of 5 star hotel, with a pool, gym, and mini-fridge for each guest. It’ll be different when they’re a little older, I picture one of those orphanage homes with the big room with loads of identical beds. Their mum will ring a bell at dinnertime and they will all rush in and get their grub…then one of the lil’ rugrats will get up with his empty bowl and say “please sir…can I have some more?” to which the father will reply “MOOOOORE!!??” and hit him with a ladle………oh wait…

You know when a pregnant woman gets all joyful when she feels her baby kick, I’ll bet you a GAZILLION pounds she wasn’t “joyful” when it happened to her. It must have been like the England football team was in there doing some pre-world cup training!! If she had 3 more she could start her own team! Octuplets…..I didn’t even know there was a name for eight kids…(spell check is even baffled and is throwing it a red underline) I call dibs on naming a 9 baby pregnancy…..I'm thinking ‘Catulets’… know, because there’s 9 lives…..whatever, I think its GENIUS!! Just imagine what their birthdays will be like, forget a P.Diddy party, their house will be the place to be!! every birthday will be like Christmas!! They’ll have their presents all tagged and placed under a copper statue of their mum with a GIANORMOUS pregnant belly, they’ll eat a huge turkey that's stuffed with 8 balls of onion stuffing and a cake with 8 layers.

I'm surprised the mum is keeping her identity a secret, its not like she won the lottery and she’s scared everyone is out to mug her. What's gonna happen, someone steals one baby and she wont notice coz there’s so many?? Well actually, I guess it could happen….I never notice when one of my DVD’s goes missing coz there’s so many. She just needs a good naming system……I say name them ‘Sleepy, Grumpy, Sneezy, Bashful, Dopey, Happy, Doc’……damn I'm one short…..well there’s 2 girls so one can be ‘Snow White’……sorted!!

Friday, 23 January 2009

And it seems to me you lived your life Like a camel in the wind

camel    camel sketch

How the camels roll these days

Saturday, 17 January 2009

Ima Ima Ima Ima Ima Chameleon


Lately I have been really into my drawing so I thought Id try my hand at some digital art. This is what I came up with, I think this is the sexiest chameleon in the world…this chameleon is gonna get more offers than if Jessica Alba went to prison!!

cameleon blog cameleon_sketch blog

Friday, 16 January 2009

The Wrestler Review

Now I must admit when all these statements came flying about like "Mickey Rourke returns to form" and "Witness the resurrection of Micky Rourke" I thought to myself "who the hell IS Mickey Rourke". I know a lot of you are actually disgusted by that and your now literally googling me to see if you can find an address to whoop my ass but only finding the lead character from Stargate, but its not my fault. The only other film I have seen him in is Sin City.

I can confirm though that this film is a major highlight for any actors CV, Mr Rourke delivers an amazing performance to a well thought-out story. There are brilliantly executed scenes that show the desperation of a popular yet lonely aging wrestler who lives to wrestle. I usually don't like films like these that are based around isolation and desuetude issues because they are commonly slow paced. This is no exception, among the few scenes of action is scenes upon scenes of turtle paced substance. I know films are incomplete without the substance but seriously I felt like I could feel my hair growing sometimes.....could you imagine if wrestlers were that slow, I could put the kettle on, have a cup of tea, sleep with someone, have a baby boy AND celebrate his 21st birthday before they landed a punch!! That being said, the pace is actually perfect for the film and made for a more emotionally charged deliverance.

Direction was great, no Spielberg camera tricks from Mr. Aronofsky but visually well targeted for a complete understanding of the story. Speaking of camera tricks there was an immense usage of shoots where the camera was behind Randy 'The Ram' Robinson, simply following him everywhere. It kinda reminded me of my old primary school stalking days where the sight of the back of Allison was more frequent than desperate shoppers on Christmas eve. I became quite familiarised with the back of Rourke's head watching this film....ask me how many hair extensions he had on.....go on, ask me!! The fight scenes are raw, hardcore madness with much of the stunts done by the actors themselves, it made WCW look like happyslap.

Anywho, a great film that makes you scared to grow old, makes you paranoid about passing your prime and gets you thinking of your downhill journey to cabbagehood.....but in a good way :P Definitely worth of a few Oscars me thinks...Now where's my Smackdown Vs Raw PS3 game.....Hmmm

Big Bro is looking in the wrong direction

I would just like to quickly point out the fundamental reason why UK's Big Brother is consistently plummeting in viewers every series

Italian Big Brother...

.......and UK Big Brother

Thursday, 15 January 2009

It's Morphin Time!!!

Some people are just born for greatness!! :D

Wednesday, 7 January 2009

Jack Bauer, My Hero

Ok 24, the BEST SHOW IN THE WHOLE FREAKIN UNIVERSE!!! makes its long awaited return to our screens (well Americas screens) on the 11th Jan, and I am more than a little excited. This show really is the best show in the universe. Its so good it makes me wanna cry at the fact that each season only focuses on one day and not a whole year in the shoes of Jack Bauer. This is the show that makes you ruin the edge of your seat because your always on it. The show that makes your brain stop sending signals to your eyelids so you don't blink and miss anything. The show that makes you paranoid that your friend could be a leak for some terrorist organisation to the point you report him to the police every other Friday night.

This time last year I was gearing up for the return of 24 with so much excitement that I wore a nappy in fear that Id wet myself, but then, like the hurricane Katrina, we was hit with the writers strike. The strike of all strikes, the Alpha and Omega of strikes that had me in and out of cardiac arrest like an exposed pacemaker in a rain storm. Why couldn't it have been a fireman strike, or an doctors strike, why did it have to be an important strike. Bloody writers, don't they realise they are messing with peoples lives, as well as putting theirs on the line. Anyway, this led to the show temporarily being put on hiatus before being shifted to a 2009 arrival. After a year of cursing the heavens, and a dark period of punching the faces of any writer I could get my hands on (even if they merely wrote a slogan for the latest cereal), we are back with 24 on the horizon.

All is right with the world again, and now we can rejoice in the premise that Mr. Bauer will be making terrorist beg for mercy by....any.....means.....necessary!!
Jack Bauer, the man that makes James Bond look like a care bear. The man who makes you wake up in the morning and sigh when you look in the mirror and realise your not him. The man who could interrogate a 3 year old girl and threaten to kill her mother if she didn't tell him where she hid the chocolate chip cookies, but still make you crap your pants in sheer delight. He's like John McClane, Jason Bourne and Rambo mixed in a lovely man killing bundle. God bless you Jack Bauer

Monday, 5 January 2009

The Definition Of Two Left Feet

Now I am a pretty crap dancer in general so when attempting to do swing dancing I had absolutely no chance. Now the only reason im putting this footage up is because I think its hilarious how bad I actually was. Two left feet is a generous way of saying how rubbish I was, Im more like a octopus with 8 left feet or a centipede with how ever many feet they have. Someone call the dancefloor police!!!!

Hahahaha Blimmin 'eck!!!

Sunday, 4 January 2009

A Snazzy Pic By Moi

A pic of my little brother that I just love (the picture, not my brother....IM PLAYIN!!!)

Friday, 2 January 2009

The sounds of birth

Have you ever been in a situation where your watching a tv programme or a movie at home and there is a scene of a pregnant woman giving birth? Well I have.....and everytime this happens I find myself getting rather uncomfortable. Now you have to understand this isnt because I am squeamish and cant take seeing gross stuff....Im a major horror film lover, I could watch SAW and happily eat a slice of pizza. Anyway I get uncomfortable because if you listen to a lady giving birth it kinda sounds like shes having sex. I know its stupid but it does and trust me you will notice it if you haven't already. I always feel really wrong when I'm in this situation and cant help but turn the volume down and if I cant find my remote I make sure to get up and turn the volume really loud when the baby starts crying just so anyone in the next room knows what those noises were.

Thursday, 1 January 2009

Yes Man Review

Ok lets play the yes/no game, you know, the one where you cant say yes or no...........ok GO!! yesterday....Dammit!!

So as a dude who loves a bit of Jim Carrey (sounds like Im picking him as a side order for dinner) it was a natural choice for me to see this film. Plus for the first time in aaaaages I can say I read the book first. Now I know its like tradition for people who have read a book and seen a film adaption of that book to rip the film to shreds....just look at 'I am Legend'...but I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed it. As it is not a direct book to script transition it opened itself up for a lot of criticizm and abuse but it actually allowed the vision of the book to shine through this average Hollywood formula. I love the concept of this story, it really has a addictive presence about much so that I shouted YES!! rather rudely to the dude asking if I wanted jalapenos with my nachos (sorry about that)

Jim Carrey performs as the classic Jim we love from 'Ace Venturer' or 'Liar Liar'. We can now forgive him for 'The number 23' (I'll just consider that his mid-life crisis....bless him).

It has to be said though that Mr. Elastic is starting to look his age :( and we all know how upset I get when this happens (just look at my 'The Bucket List' review)

I highly recommend this film to all Jim Carrey fans, it really is a return to form film. Also read Danny Wallace's 'Yes Man' it'll be one of the funniest books you'll read for a while

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Review

Ok I'll tell you this straight, I am not by any stretch a Brad Pitt fan. I do not think he is a good actor, and I am not convinced he is as hot as all the ladies think he is. Now with that said, I must admit this film has totally won me over...I am now a Brad Pitt fan. I do think he is a good actor and dare I say after this performance I'd marry him!!

This film filled me with so much warmth that the winter cold outside practically packed its bags and headed somewhere it would be appreciated. Its a 3hr long (if you include toilet and snack breaks) film on the case of Benjamin Button...what do you mean that's obvious....anyway, some would say its a curious case. Ben is a person born an old man who grows younger day-by-day. We see his life unfold and a beautiful relationship grow between himself and Cate Blanchett's character Daisy.

Both Pitt and Blanchett deliver outstanding performances that keeps you trapped in the story and they are supported by the likes of Taraji P. Henson and Tilda Swinton who also make respectable contributions. The SFX are quite impressive and through the tone of the film come across quite subtle. Pace is a bit inconsistent at times (well obviously "at times" or it would be consistently inconsistent therefore being solely consistent...right?? brain hurts) a couple scenes noticeably drag on a bit leaving me to question the lengthy....erm.....length of the film.

However, amazing film that's capturing from the beginning and for those who HAVE seen the film "I've been struck by lightning 7 times" lol


The Spirit Review

This is another 'A Scanner Darkly' in the sense that it gets you all hyped up from the first few development pictures you see with the amazing artistic direction, makes you wait for a year building you up more month by month and then when the film finally hits the cinema and you've got your ticket, popcorn and in my case nachos, it pulls off its mask of attraction and you see this uninviting body of mess thats screamin "HAHAHA I FOOLED YOU...SUCKER!!!!!" (wow thats a long English teacher wouldn't approve...oh crap, its still going, WHERE THE HELL IS THE FULL STOP BUTTON). (phew)
Ok so it probably not that bad, i tend to get excited when slating a film. Visually it was everything I expected to be. Filled with lovely blocks of colour mixed with live action creating visuals to trick your mind with delight, and all that jazz, BUT...
The story is not well written, the script is not any better and the acting is a joke (and not the good kind, its like a Krusty the Clown joke).
The casting is also on my flaws list. Gabriel Macht is plain rubbish, Sam L. Jackson does his reoccurring angry black guy routine, Scarlett Johansson, although always a pleasure to look at, is horrific!! Maybe its just Frank Millers fault, after all it is his directorial debut, maybe he's like a new teacher who hasn't quite got to grips on how to control his students therefore not allowing them to show their true potential. All except for little miss Eva Mendes at the front of the class, who gave all the correct answers and did all her homework, a true straight 'A' student. Not only did she bless us with her amazing body...and it is amazing...she also gave a leading role performance. Can I just reiterate how amazing that woman's body is, seriously, had the film finished when we see a quick shot of her kaboose this review would have gone a totally different direction (why do you think we keep watching Training sure as hell aint for Denzel).
Despite the jungle of crap there where some undeniably phenomenal scenes that you cant help but be in awe of. Overall, not what it could have been, Miller needs to forget about this and get started on Sin City 2